Marriage, No Longer Just a Human Sanctity: People Who Say “I Do” to Inanimate Objects

December 16, 2009 at 3:18 pm 3 comments

In youth, many children find solace in “loving” inanimate objects.  They love their new box of crayons.  They love their stuffed bear, Chuckles.  They even love their favorite brand of cereal.  Regardless of what children choose to love, there is one age old question that inevitably follows each emphatic declaration: “If you love (fill in the blank) so much, why don’t you marry it?!”

As it turns out, this is a much more serious question than one might think.  So serious, in fact, that recently, a woman did just that.  Suffering from a disorder commonly referred to as objectum-sexuality or OS, Amy Wolfe of Pennsylvania found comfort in marrying an object rather than a human. (No need to read it again.  You heard me right.)

Originally brought to the forefront over a decade ago when Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, an animated woman from Liden, a small town in northern Sweden, married the Berlin Wall (I strongly recommend you view her Web site to reeeeally appreciate this phenomenon), OS has since started to take hold of others.  Because people with OS often express strong feelings of love, passion, attraction and commitment towards manmade structures, they find it incredibly natural to bind themselves eternally to them. 

Berliner-Mauer even speaks of the Berlin Wall as any other woman would her own husband.   Using terms like “we” and “our,” she asserts her now “retired” husband (aka the Berlin Wall) and she neither one like to travel and are still as much in love today as the first day they met.  (Again, no need to re-read.)

Wolfe, the most recent OS case – who appropriately changed her surname to Weber, after the manufacturer of her main squeeze – began courting her love, an eighty foot gondola ride 1001 Nachts, when she was thirteen years old.  Claiming she was instantaneously attracted to “him,” her love for 1001 Nachts has motivated her to take him “for a spin” over 3,000 times and painstakingly make the 160 mile round trip to visit at least ten times annually.

Against all odds (and several judgmental critics), Wolfe stands by her decision and “man,” declaring to share a relationship that is both physically and spiritually fulfilling.  She doesn’t even get angry when other people ride him!  I mean, really… if that doesn’t say true love… I don’t know what does! 

Oh, and did I mention that this isn’t just any fairground ride… it’s a giant magic carpet.  Increds, I know.  Therefore, I’m handing in my official nomination that “A Whole New World” be their song de jure.  Corny?  Maybe.  Fitting?  AB-SO-STINKIN-LUTELY!


Entry filed under: The Inside Track. Tags: , , , , , , .

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3 Comments Add your own

  • […] and if you don’t find, it’s nearly impossible to wed.  (Well, unless you suffer from objectum-sexuality.  Then, just about anything within reach is fair game – […]

  • 2. Lemondrop  |  December 18, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    I love my iPhone! I think I’ll marry it… I mean him! Think about it? It’s with me 24/7/365 and if I forget to take it with me (God forbid) I’m lost without it. “He” is my better half. I think a June wedding is in order.

  • 3. jayp  |  December 16, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Ummmm… There are no words. Thank you for putting their names in this blog however.


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