Posts filed under ‘What Were They Thinking?’
Like any good blog stalker, this pretty little lady has her FAVES saved for go-to good reads. It truly is one of my life’s truest joys to not only read what people are writing about but also, to see how and even why they’re writing about them. While I have a tendency to lean (almost too) generously towards wedding blogs the world over, I can’t help but stray from time to time when a true gem rears its fabulous face onto my screen.
One such gem, you may wonder?? Well, that would be AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
While it’s generally one of my most golden rules not to bully (aka. put others down to bring myself up), I can’t help but point out the majority of treats being posted on this site (and now BLASTED on ours) have been and continue to be submitted by the “stars” themselves. So, they really only have themselves – and the photographic genius behind the lens – to blame.
So, without further adieu, may I present to you SEVERAL rules you should consider, and photographic evidence of why it’s so important :)
Rule #1. Firstly, make sure you pick a wedding photographer who’s got the goods – shout out to Jessika & Jimmy Feltz who have the BEST goods ever! – otherwise, you run the risk of what this bride calls her uncle’s (yes uncle!) lack of “professionalism.” Poor, potty mouth bride!
Rule #2. Don’t give me no lies, and (tell them to!) keep their hands to themselves! Nothing ruins a good photo quite like uncomfortable groping from the peanut gallery. I mean, photo op #1 is awkward enough with the painful parent poking, but photo op #2?? Somebody needs to tell sister friend in the corner to ease off… he’s taken for sobbin’ out loud!
Rule #3. If you doubt it, don’t show it. And if you show it, perhaps it’s best to not do it. It appears that no one, and I truly mean NO ONE, is comfortable with these marriages becoming offish… brides, grooms, family members, even officiants. Mayhaps, things should’ve been thought through more thoroughly before the big plunge.
Rule #4. BEWARE OF BEWILDERING BACKGROUNDS. Some of these I honestly have no other words for other than… whhhhyyyy?
Rule #5. Finally, don’t fall victim to vicious photo editing! As stanted in Rule #1, choose your photographers wisely or you may end up with these tripped out treats. Granted, the photos are dated several years, but the rule remains as modern day as ever…
I’m all for making a statement with your fashion, and Lord KNOWS I’m even more for a bride having it her way on her day.
However – and this is a very big HOWEVER – let us not forget the whole reason behind the day in the first place. The love of our men should never, and I repeat never, be drowned out by the love of our fashion. Of course, I’m using the term fashion here very loosely, and if you’re wondering why… you needn’t look further than the first photo.
Please Don’t #1: Have your Cake Dress and Eat it Too??
I know time’s are tight, ladies. Hello?!?! I’ve done more budget crunching than Jillian Michaels has done belly crunching; so, believe me when I say I understand that you want to cut corners and “trim the fat” from your wedding expenses. And while I fully support getting use out of multi-tasking details, I do not suggest you let one of those details be your dress. I mean, honestly, who wants a dress that’s known for molding?
Please Don’t #2: Don’t Let it Blow Up in Your Face!
I can appreciate art. In fact, I’m very fond it, but there is a certain level of practicality every bride needs to be aware of on her wedding day. You can have a dress that is high fashion and over-the-top artsy, but having a helium filled, easily-popped-so-you-might-end-up-naked wedding dress definitely does not cover that level of practicality. Not to mention, the sweat level for plastic-wear is outrageous. Not flattering.
Please Don’t #3: Too much Bride, not (nearly!) enough Dress
For the first time in my life, I was rendered speechless. Literally, I have no words… just an embarrassed, red face… I don’t even know these brides! Come on now, girls, we should all be proud of our bodies, but is your wedding day inside a church in front of your grandma and the good Lord really the place you want to show it off? I think not.
Please Don’t #4: Too much Dress, not (nearly!) enough Bride
Believe me. I get the whole wanna-look-like-Cinderella, fairy tale princess bride complex. My best friend and most favorite girl in the world, Breanna Marie, might as well have written the book on this theory. I’m already prepared for when she gets hitched, because I know she’ll be the belle of the ball and have me in the pinkest, pretty-pretty princess bridesmaid’s dress money can buy. Buuuuuuuuuut, there’s a big difference between being a princess and being a cream puff (not the pastry this time.) So, ladies please, wear the dress… don’t let the dress wear you!
Please Don’t #5: Loud and Ornate… not up for Debate
Your wedding day is about you; so, please please please don’t lose yourself in over-the-top accessories. Brides who decorate themselves too drastically don’t look trendy; they look, well, in a word, ridiculous. And nobody wants to look back in 5 years – heck, even 5 days – down the road and go, “Ugh, what was I thinking?”
So… many… things… to… say…
But I’ll just let the video speak for itself. Why?
While I may be remixing the famed Styx lyrics, I would like to justify it first by saying they’re the perfect prologue to today’s post. Secondly, it’s a little known fact, but by incorporating robotic talk (& dance) into our daily lives, we enrich the lives of those around us and increase the potential for world peace… It’s true… For serious… Okay, maybe I’m making that up, but if you’ve ever been privy to my robotic pops and locks on the dance flo’, you’d totally see where I was coming from – haha!
Bottom line (all Mary lies aside), robots are fun, which is precisely the reason why I’m assuming Tomohiro Shibata, 42, and Satoko Inouye, 36, decided to have one be a part of their newlywed debut. But not just any part, people; we’re talking about the whole kit ‘n’ kaboodle here. Shibata and Inouye had their robotic friend, the I-Fairy, respectfully reside as their nuptial officiant.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Is that legal?” And I’m afraid to report, I have absolutely no idea. (Sorry!) I do know, however, that this doting Japanese couple took it upon themselves to say “I do” in front of the I-Fairy officiant and 50 of their closest family and friends. According to Fox News, Shibata and Inouye – married at a restaurant in Hibiya Park in central Tokyo – are the first couple EVER to get their marriage boogie on with a robot as the presiding officiant. (Now there’s a sentence I never imagined myself saying.)
Equipped with glowing eyes, plastic pigtails and a halo of real flowers, the I-Fairy came to life following its wire hookup to a computer behind a black curtain; all controlled by a man typing in the commands… haha, did the scene from The Wizard of Oz “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!” just go through anyone else’s head?… I knew it!
Anyhoot, this epic, robotic first may not be the taste topping everyone’s list, but it does reiterate the Marilyn’s Keepsake way of allowing every bride and groom the right to choose their perfect blend of trend and tradition on their big day! So, here’s to you, Tomohiro and Satoko, and might we just say, “Domo Arigato, Mr. (& Mrs.) Roboto! Domo… Domo!”
***Special thanks to Tonya C. for being such an avid news sleuth and providing me with this gem of wedded bliss***
It is time for a bridal reality check… and I’m not just talking about lists here, people! I’m talking about bridal reality television…
Whether a person is willing to admit it or not, the fact still remains that reality TV is one of today’s most successful guilty pleasures to ever reach the masses, and this most certainly rings true for the shows featuring weddings. From Bridezillas and Platinum Weddings to Say Yes to the Dress and Bulging Brides, here’s a list of some of the more outrageous reasons people are tuning in and turning on to reality wedding TV:
Say Yes to the Dress: Set in Manhattan’s famed Kleinfeld Bridal Salon, this wedding wonder features 35,000 square feet of bridal dresses and hot messes. Between all the variables (ie. differing consultant opinions, wide ranging budgets, entourage sizes and bride-to-be styles), Say Yes to the Dress is an ideal setup for beautiful gowns and crazy personalities to clash. While some stories will easily tug at one’s heart strings and end with big smiles, they are juxtaposed with just as many jerks and quirks… ahhh, bridal magic. Catch it: Fridays @ 9pm/8C on TLC
Bridezillas: A true gem of wedded reality, this unfortunate display of brides-to-be most often times leaves viewers wondering why the soon-to-be grooms ever got down on one knee in the first place. Filled with “I’m pregnant with octuplet raging” hormones and fueled by a severe case of “it’s all about me!” mentality, bridezillas are a breed all of their own. While the first couple seasons all had happily ever after endings for the bridal brats and unhappily ever after endings for just about everyone else, the next few might just show a change in the winds. Hmm, could Alice Cooper be right? Is it time for “No more Mr. Nice Guy!?” Heee-heee-heee! Catch it: Sundays @ 9pm/8C on WeTV
Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?: This reality show pairs wedding planners to prenuptial couples looking to create the wedding day of their dreams. With a wide range of budgets and personalities to mix and mingle, the show unfolds what can only be described as power struggle between the forces of good and evil. Of course, who is good and who is evil is strictly left up to the viewer, but one thing is for certain, while there may be no definitive answer to who’s right and who’s wrong, there will always be strong rebuttals on both sides supporting their cause. Catch it: Tuesdays @ 10pm/9C on Style Network
Platinum Weddings: What does one get when they add up va-va-voom and cha-cha-ching? Why, Platinum Weddings, of course! Talk about living in the lap of luxury; the brides featured on this show give definition to all things haute couture, creatively custom and drop dead dramatic. Because budgets are never an issue, the couples characterized on this show only know one speed (warp) and one end result (over the top), and no matter how bad a person is with numbers, it doesn’t take a math wizard to see just how lavish an event can become when money is no object. Catch it: Sundays @10pm/9C on WeTV
Bulging Brides: As its name would suggest, this reality show is all about brides trying to shape up, trim down, <squeeeeze> in and look more fabulous than ever on their Mrs. debut. Like most wedding planning ladies (heck, ladies in general), the girls featured on this show struggle with weight gain and will power before throughout the wedding planning process; so, Bulging Brides teams them up with a personal trainer and nutritionist for six weeks of true grit and bear it work outs, meal plans and rules in hopes that they will look and feel just the way they always dreamed! Catch it: on the Discovery Health Channel and WeTV
Four Weddings: Get the score cards ready, ladies; for this series has four brides, along with their grooms and entire wedding package, set up on the chopping block. Each bride is responsible for judging the other three bride’s big days, which concentrate on four main areas: the dress, the venue, the food and the overall experience with only one being crowed the top bride. And to the victor go the spoils; as the bride with the best overall scores wins a dream honeymoon for her and her husband to enjoy for free! Catch it: Fridays @ 10pm/9C on TLC
The tale of 2 Mother-in-Laws, as told by 2005’s Monster-in-Law:
Viola Fields (dressed in white to attend her own son’s wedding): I cannot believe she compared me to Gertrude!
Ruby: I know. That’s just wrong.
Viola Fields: Thank you!
Ruby: You are far worse. I don’t recall Gertrude ever trying to poison you, and I believe she wore black to your wedding.
Viola Fields: Black. Yeah, she said she was in mourning…
Ahh, yes. The age old battle of Mama Drama as it directly relates to the most infamous mother ever – the in-law. This type of ancient woe has fallen victim to more tragic trials, tribulations and let’s face it, sheer comic genius ever and it’s no wonder why.
Made famous by characters like Viola Fields (played by Jane Fonda) and Marie Barone (played by Doris Roberts) in Everybody Loves Raymond, mother-in-laws are typically portrayed in some of the most unflattering lights known to man, and while the “glass-half-full-girl” in me wants to give these sad pot stirrers the benefit of the doubt… I must digress to the factual information at hand.
For instance, a dear, dear co-worker of mine recently shared the tragic tale of her mother-in-law on the day she took her son’s hand in marriage. Dead sere, I almost lost it when she revealed that her attention hungry, fifty-something M.I.L. began acting a fool when she didn’t receive the self-assumed, star treatment she knew she deserved and announced to the entire group of family and friends that she was – in fact – pregnant…
I mean really??? Really, lady? ‘Cause that’s the best, most obvious way to win over the spotlight on someone else’s wedding day… by creating a fictional “I’m with child” story. Get a grip.
Of course, this story, among so many others I’ve heard throughout the years, created an incessant compulsion within me to see what other kinds of stories were out there and documented for others to see.
<Enter Stage Right: MotherInLawHell.com>
Once featured on Dr. Phil, MotherInLawHell.com provides what one must believe – after reading even a few tragic snippets – to be the most needed platform of release in the history of mankind. One girl even goes as far to tell the story of her mother-in-law and the blatant disregard she has for health, happiness and the future well being of her grandchildren. Robin – the daughter-in-law – said that after years of battling a smoking addiction, she finally was able to kick the habit. (Way to go, girl!)
But instead of having the full support of her M.I.L., Robin was told that if she didn’t lose the weight she’d gained from quitting, she would need to pick it back up in order to be accepted for the annual family portrait… because there would be no “chunky monkeys” allowed.
Three letters… W.O.W.
It’s like some people have no shame, which is exactly why this Web site exists. Made up of tens of thousands of women forming the Daughter-in-Law Sisterhood, this Web site will make you laugh; make you cry; give you advice; and let you vent. It’s the reality check you need when you start to feel your M.I.L. is out of control or at the very least, a forum to put her on blast when she does! Haha!
A couple of weeks ago, a friend at work (holllller, Amy!) sent me an email about Wedinator.com… a Web site whose “prime directive” is to “trash your special day.” Now, I know what you’re all thinking – “Well, that’s pretty negative directive.” – and I know this, because I thought the exact same thing.
That is until; I ventured onto the site and laid these baby blues on what can only be described as some of the most retina burning images ever. And yes, I just coined the term “retina burning,” because they’re the kind of images that stick with you, long after you’ve clicked out and moved on.
Intended as “all in good fun” humor, – well, I suppose until you land on it yourself – this site allows people to upload, vote, digg, share, tweet and retweet photos from the more colorful moments / colorful weddings around the world. Whether you saw it on a site or lived through it yourself, Wedinator.com gives people the opportunity to share and exploit their most outrageous wedding pics… that will – at the very least – make you feel better about your life for the sheer, simple fact you’re not in them.
Here are some of my favorites from Wedinator’s Finest:
#1) A helpless groom tries to get his new wife / life together… but with little to no luck. Hahaha! Reminds me of the end scene of Sixteen Candles when Molly Ringwald’s sister took “a few too many” muscle relaxers to ward off the discomfort of her “monthly gift.” Classic.
#2) Maine – perhaps home to the greatest General Store ever – really knew what they were doing when they put this little piece of heaven together. I mean, I know when I picked out my wedding gown, the only thing that could’ve made it better was the ability to practice my right to bear arms and drink a cold beer. Hahaha!
#3) This next one is a real prize, and with one glance, you can see why. While it pretty much goes without saying that brides want their grooms to be several things, I’m almost 100% certain scary, muderous ninja is not one of them. Wow.
#4) And speaking of ninjas… who invited this guy?
#5) Not to be outdone by ninjas, pirates also like to show up on the big day… and apparently take brides captive with a wink, smile and loaded barrel rifles. Why???
#6) And what wedding guest wouldn’t want to share their cake… especially with a guest as “cuddly” as this one?? GROSS!
#7) Following the adage, “share and share alike,” nothing says harmony and romance on your wedding day quite like these underage, future felons of America… awww, memories.
And for more photos just as magical as these, feel free to log in and tune on to Wedinator.com.