Posts tagged ‘funny wedding stories’
That’s right, kids! Looks like several of Hong Kong’s “Golden Arches” have upped the ante for wedding vendors everywhere! We’re talking Happy Meal menus, Big Mac attacks and apple pie tower cakes (oh my!)! According to msnbc.com news reports:
If McDonald’s has its way, the traditional white wedding arch will be replaced with the golden ones. Some of the fast-food chain’s restaurants in Hong Kong are now allowing customers to “supersize” their order to include McNuptials. (today.msnbc.msn.com)
And all I can say is, thank GOODness my Mister and I have already taken the plunge… ’cause you already KNOW this would be all over his radar like white on rice! Twenty-seven years old, and the man would still pick the entire McDonald’s menu over everything else. (What this says about my cooking shall remain unmentioned… however, I’m guessing assumptions are already being made. Eh.)
Anyhoot, the world’s most recognized restaurant – ha, there’s just something about calling Mickey D’s a “restaurant” that will always be funny to me – is officially open for wedding business and already booking January 2011 weddings!!! Offering an appetizing spread of Happy Meal favors, apple pie tower wedding cakes, their full menu of meal deals and even party balloon dresses, Ronald and his crew have pulled out all the stops… well, and by “all the stops,” I really mean doing the same stops, mayhaps with just a few more stairs :)
What would really impress me is – however – is if they would offer different levels of packages. Let’s say Small, Medium, Large and Supersize??? Supersize, of course, containing the option of a Ronald McDonald minister! Yep, who’s with me!?!?! <waits for high fives>…<still waiting>… Alright, forget it! <high fives self> Yes!
However, there are a few things you may want to consider before booking your flights and jumping on board this dream wedding scenario. Chief among them?? Exclusivity. Even though Hong Kong’s Golden Arches are open for wedding business, they are not closing their doors to the rest of the world. So tourist Two Buck Chuck and his sweet lady friend, Sideburns Susie, just may have a cameo in the wedding album while they get their order on during your vows. Just saying…
Also, McDonald’s is a family establishment lacking a liquor license; therefore, NO ALCOHOL is allowed on the premise. Sorry, crazy beer guzzling uncles, you’ll have to settle for strawberry shakes instead. Other reports also suggest substituting the champagne toasts with soda… Classy!
So, if any of you are planning this for your wedded bliss, feel free to invite me! And with all the money you’ll be saving on catering and rental equipment, you can even fly me out! Haha… but for reals :)
Every wedding has one. Some are given by the best man; some by the maid of honor, and still others by the bride or groom’s parents. They may make you laugh; they may make you cry, but one thing they certainly should NOT do is make you cringe.
I’m – of course – talking about the inevitable wedding speeches!
Wedding speeches are perhaps one of the most memorable aspects of your big day. It is, or at least it should be, an interesting insight to your relationship as a couple, a wish of goodwill and a toast in to your love. And because whatever the speech-giver says is generally amped across a microphone and loud speakers, it’s important that it’s good! So, here are a few tips on how to make it count:
First, let’s start off with what you should avoid at all costs. Humorous anecdotes are wonderful, but keep in mind that embarrassing does NOT always equal funny. Reminiscing about senior year spring break or that one time the groom went streaking through the frat house may make some (namely the bride and groom and more than likely Great Aunt Edna) uncomfortable.
On the other hand, don’t be boring. An easy way to find a compromise is through genuine sincerity. Try taking the emotional high road. Whether you choose to be humorous or sentimental, make sure that any stories or memories you have about the couple are relevant, sincere and stay on topic.
Another thing to consider when beginning the speech-writing process is time frame. It’s difficult to wax poetic about a couple’s love in five minutes, but any longer than that and guests will be agitated by your long-windedness. (Heck, they may even get restless after 2, pending on how many people feel the need to speak after!)
That being said, do not go into a speech without a plan… no matter how skilled you think you are at impromptu. Because even the most brilliant “Who’s Line is it Anyway?” stars can stutter after a couple drinks.
When you actually start to construct your dialogue, think back to your middle school speech class: every speech should have a beginning, middle and end. Begin your toast by introducing yourself and your relation to the bride and groom. Talk about the beautiful ceremony to create an easy gateway to lead into the meat of your speech.
The Middle. This is where your original content should come from. Memories are great, but too many inside jokes will leave those on the outside unsettled. So, stick with subjects that will personalize your toast and maybe garner a few laughs and tears. Having the best of both worlds will create a well-rounded speech. So for every joke you tell, balance it with a genuine, maybe even tearful, sentiment of love. Also, avoid hard subjects like the economic state or politics and harsh language like cursing or vulgarity.
Finally, finish with a bang! If you’ve racked your brain for more perspective only to come up empty-handed, it’s time to bring in the experts. Quotes, whether they’re spoken by a famous author or a member of the family, serve as the perfect standby conclusion. Some great examples of touching quotes:
- “Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy Bloom
- “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
- “Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
- “We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It’s called love.” – Gene Perret
- “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” – Andre Maurois
- “A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.” – Don Fraser
- “To laugh often and love much… to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one’s self… this is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
At this time, you will cue all of the wedding guests to join you in a toast to the bride and groom by raising their champagne flutes and wishing them eternal joy and happiness. And hopefully you’ll hear cheers and clapping, not crickets.
If you’re a bride-to-be who’s anything like me, you’ve more than likely been guilty of (or mayhaps a better term: fallen victim to) the inevitable, internet OVER-search. With the World Wide Web access being so readily available and containing such a vast threshold of all the latest and greatest, it’s soooo easy to get sucked into the “Hottest Trends for 2010” or “Wedding Etiquette 101” or “What 2 Do 2 Cure the Monster-in-Law Blues” or… you get the drift. And with all this pre-wedding curiosity bursting at the seams, wedding searches just may be the biggest version of unnoticed overload ever.
Because there are so many options for brides to choose from, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when it comes to planning your wedding. So, why not try to sort through things by the process of elimination? If your interest is to have an event that your guests will love as much as you do, why not look to see what other people or even you, yourself, are constantly complaining about and delete them off the list!?
Recently, lemondrop.com – a self proclaimed sweet, tasty and tart blog – published an article on wedding trends they hope will disappear titled, I Now Pronounce You Annoying — Wedding Trends That Need to Go. Written in a sarcastically humorous tone, the author introduces the “Debbie Downer” trends by stating:
The older you get and the more weddings you attend, the more they stop being fun and start sucking the life force out of you. (lemondrop.com)
Haha, I’m guessing the author is not friends with these guys…
And while the sentiment being expressed is over exaggerated, its underlying message is not. Here are lemondrop.com‘s Picks 2 Nix, but what I want to know is if you agree:
- “Half-a-Dozen Parties Before the Actual Wedding.” Stating annoyance in the fact that a wedding is not just a wedding, but an Engagement Dinner, Bridal Shower, Bachelor / Bachelorette Party, Rehearsal Dinner, Ceremony and Reception… are weddings becoming too costly – and, in turn, too annoying – for guests to remain excited for when the actual day arrives?
- “The Long, Intensely Religious Religious Ceremony.” Because not everyone on a couple’s guest list will necessarily be of the same religious denomination, is it too much to ask for everyone to participate in a ceremony that may or may not last over an hour when they don’t actually practice the faith?
- “The Bouquet Toss.” While a time-honored tradition – no doubt – is the bouquet toss becoming more of a necessary evil, filled with self-conscious single ladies battling for a bouquet or is it still a fun and essential part of the reception’s routine?
- “Stupid Toasts.” Laying reference to the excess length (and inevitably, the excess amount of undisclosed information) a wedding speech can emit, do you think it’s more important to keep things moving along or let your best man recall the ultra embarrassing time you blankety-blanked the blank, down to the very last, nitty gritty – painfully discomforting – detail?
- “DJs Who Demand You DANCE!” In lieu of the fact that in due time, all the beer drinking patrons will eventually make it to the dance floor, is it necessary for DJ Jazzy (fill in name here) to constantly announce for everyone to “get up off of that thang!” or simply just let them “dance when they feel better?”
- “Video Testimonials.” Stating that only the most “obnoxious, drunk and unstable guests take the opportunity” to divulge in such a awkward process, are video testimonials becoming the TMI portion of a bride and groom’s happy day?
Now, more importantly than this list, is your opinion of it ORRRR even better yet, other things you’d like to add!
According to the Bridal Association of America, the average couple spends a whopping $659 on their wedding invitations and that doesn’t even include the cost of postage! So, as more and more couples start cutting the fat from their wedding budgets, invites seem to be taking up an unnecessarily large piece of the monetary pie. And unless you’re willing to take a risk on an empty reception hall, invitations are absolutely essential. Sure, e-vites are informational, but they lack a sense of formality and tradition. So, how do you get what you want without paying a pretty penny? Here’s some advice :)
Paper – Here, you will need to think a little out of the box. Stationary retailers are expensive for the same reason any retailer is more costly: markup. But if you stick with office suppliers, wholesalers, or any paper-carrying company that offers bulk sizes, you can purchase printable card stock for mere cents. Always remember that the more folds and detailing on each invite, the more costly the total will be; so stick with basic, flat cards to avoid the extra fees.
Design – This is the part where a couple’s home-made creativity can really shine. Make sure you have a printer that’s up for the task with plenty of ink. It may sound intimidating, but a multitude of design templates and programs have popped up recently to provide DIY brides more personalized options when printing at home. For those of you who still find templates too daunting, there are still many options. If you’re lacking a design guru friend willing to work for free, consult the web for a vast array of pre-made design templates and make sure the design you choose goes with your wedding theme and colors.
DIY –These details will provide that budget-friendly, je ne sais quoi you’ve been looking for. And by doing-it-yourself, you save the inherent overhead you’d be paying for someone else to do it. The following invitation extras can run the gamut from basic to extravagant, but here are a few ideas that are popular today:
- Ribbons: The most enduring of trends, a classic ribbon tied around the card that complements the themes and hues of the invitations adds a feeling of elegance. Many brides also punch out two holes near the top, thread the ribbon through, and tie a beautiful bow for a chic touch.
- Stamps: Getting a personalized or monogrammed stamp is an effective and affordable tool when it comes to the paper products of your wedding. Embellish your invites and RSVP cards and then seal the deal when you adorn the envelope with your customized wedding design. And get really fancy by creating a melted wax seal and closing your envelopes shut with with a look that’s truly vintage!
- Flowers: If you want your invites to really look fancy without the frivolous cost, add some fresh blooms. Keep in mind that extra weight equals extra postage costs, so keep the flowers minimal. Try tying a single sprig of baby’s breath into bow on the invitation. For a flatter finish, adorn the invites with pressed flowers; simply use a spray adhesive and press.
Postage – Mailing costs often seem trivial, but can really add up if you’re not cautious, especially for guest list that seem to scroll on for days! As mentioned above, keeping the weight of each invitation to an absolute minimum will save you a pretty penny; every extra ounce per envelope will cost you. With that in mind, send your RSVPs as postcards. This avoids the extra weight of an excess envelope, and costs less anyway. Also, avoid square-shaped envelopes or ones that don’t fit within the traditional requirements – they’ll increase postage fees by 50%.
So as long as you plan ahead and avoid excess costs, keep your eyes peeled for great bargains, and put your mind to a little DIY, you’re wedding invitations will look like a million bucks without the hefty price tag.
The wedding send-off is becoming an increasingly personalized trend with epic photographic appeal. No longer are couples settling for the typical getaway anymore – oh no! With trendy weddings flying all over the 2010 Doppler radar, it’s paramount for the send-off to stand out; so, for all you Maids of Honor and Best Men out there, this decor and more post is for you!
Here are a few of the hottest getaway trends heating up nuptial exits everywhere. Feel free to be inspired:
Riding Flirty (and yes, I took it there, hehe!) – The actual send-off vehicle itself has really taken off as a wedding statement. The typical limousine just isn’t unique enough anymore. Newlyweds these days are opting for all kinds of getaway cars, from classy to quirky. Here are a few of the faves:
- Volkswagon Vanagon. This retro rewind is fun, whimsical and charmingly nostalgic. Max up the charm with the brightest paint job you can find and send them back to the future or simply to their honeymoon suite in one of these peace sign pleasers.
- Vintage Rolls Royce. A wedding car that is quickly becoming a classic, these vehicles scream of an era full of opulence and glamour… which is totally why the Mister and I did it…. Thanks, Papa!
- Party Limo or Bus. Extravagant? Yes. Fun for the entire bridal party? Of course! These party vans are a little more playful than your standard limousine, as they invite quite a crowd to their showy interiors…and more room to decorate and let’s be real, get down!
- 1960’s Mustang. Meant for a couple who likes to let their hair down, these little speedsters are vintage sports car perfection. The redder, the better.
Trendy Transportation – After you’ve chosen the perfect getaway car, it’s time to decide how to make it even more magical. Traditional embellishments include “Just Married” written in soap or lipstick and attached tin can strings hanging from the back bumper. Trendier adornments, however, suggest more personality and flair… and who couldn’t get behind these?:
- Window Clings. The ultimate touch of personalization, custom clings display the couple’s newly minted name together, their special date, and any other details you would want to include. And beyond being a unique and thoughtful gift to the newlyweds, these decals will also serve as a memorable keepsake for years to come.
- Streamers. The beauty of the wedding theme shouldn’t stop at the reception. Garnish the getaway with streamers, rich in the wedding palette colors. This creates some more wedding eye candy, and a feeling of continuity.
- Pom Pom Strands. Another great way to incorporate color, these DIY pomanders pay homage to the romance of real flowers without the added fuss or cost.
- Flag Garland. Due to their effortless assembly and charming aesthetic, “Just Married” pendant garlands and banners are one of the more popular farewell flourishes.
- Balloons. A classic and quieter alternative to the tin cans, these bright blow-ups will float off the back of any bumper flawlessly. Customize with the bride and groom’s names for a personal touch.
Ultimately, the couple’s aisle style is what will determine the exit embellishments. Just keep in mind that many car rental companies have strict decoration policies, so you make sure to call ahead to see how much creative freedom is allowed. Everyone is sure to appreciate the trimmings, but aid the brand new twosome in enjoying the interior – with a bottle of bubbly on ice.
Part 2: Letters N – Z
For your viewing pleasure, the conclusion to Wednesday’s post, inspired by Women’s Health…
N = Numbers
This is my most dreaded letter… just ask the nurse practitioner who had to battle it out with my index finger for the scale knob to move to the appropriate weight. That’s right. I’m talking about your weight, people! Research shows that people who weigh themselves at least once a day or more likely to not only lose but also to maintain their weight loss more so than people who don’t. Sigh, looks like the scales wins… again!
O = Omelet
When it comes to protein, omelets are egg-selent! Haha! Yesss! Protein helps build muscle, which in turn fries more calories per pound than fat According to Jonny Bowden, author of The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth, informs you’ll burn 25% of the eggs’ calories simply by digesting them! Nuts!
P = Peanuts
It’s all about the “p’s” in this study, which was conducted by Purdue University. In this study, researchers found high-protein, high-fiber nuts are extremely filling and can boost the resting metabolic rates significantly… making the nut an ideal snack food for curbing your appetite!
Q = Quinoa
Quinoa is the queen of whole grains! Higher in protein and fiber with less carbs, this white rice substitute is an ideal source for dietary deliciousness!
R = Replacements
In its most simplest of forms: Eat this, not that. Try substituting liquid meals or healthier snacks and sides for some of your less savory choices.
S = Success
Stress causes no success. In a study conducted by Georgetown scientists, it was discovered that mice under stress or duress gained twice as much as their de-stressed counterparts. Reason being?? Stress can cause us to hold on to extra fat cells; hence, the term stress eating. So next time you’re stressed, try having a “wooo-saaaa” moment instead of a doughnut.
T = Tea
Green tea brings the catechins – a metabolism boosting antioxidant, and the catechins bring the weight loss! Not to mention, green tea is a MUCH healthier substiture than a half and half cup of coffee filled with sugar! Duh!
U = User-friendly
In a recent study conducted by the Journal of the American Medical Association, it was discovered that the success rate of one diet plan to the next is not determined by the diet itself, but the compliance each dieter has with it. Sooo, find a diet you can live with, and then, (more importantly) actually live with it :)
V = Vinegar
Just a spoon full of vinegar helps the weight loss stay off… weight loss stay off! (I know. Sweet remix to Mary Poppins, huh?) Published by the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, it was discovered that swallowing 60 grams or 4 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar with a high-glycemic index caused people to eat 200-275 less calories a day… of course this doesn’t surprise me, due to the fact that stomaching a spoonful of vinegar makes me nauseous in thought alone!
W = Weights
I’m here to PUMP (pause for effect) you up! While many women fear lifting weights will cause them to look like the incredible hulk, they couldn’t be further from the truth. Pumping iron not only causes you to burn more calories after an average cardio workout, but researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham also discovered that women who lifted 3 times a week for 25 minutes lost an average of 4 pounds of bady fat! SWEET!
X = Xenical
Given the green light by the FDA last year, this prescription fat blocker can be found in the over the counter supplement, Alli. However, this does come with a price… loose stools. So, if the side effects are too much for you to handle, I totally suggest going at it the old fashion way :)
Y = Yoga
Self explanatory… grab a mat and get moving! Downward dog, anyone?
Z = ZZZZ’s
While dieting, you may want to scrimp on certain foods, but you should never scrimp on your zzzz’s! By not getting enough sleep, your body is tricked into thinking it’s low on fuel, causing your belly to growl and more than likely you to eat! So rest up… you need it :)
Part 1: Letters A – M
Often times, I will receive emails looking for advice, and while I’ll easily admit my awesome level is off the charts, my expertise level – especially on certain subjects – can be almost non-existent. And there’s no area less exercised (pun intended) by my expertise than weight loss. Ugh.
Luckily for you, however, I can pinpoint the experts and share their knowledge with the masses! And when it comes to losing weight and feeling great, who could possibly be better than a magazine dubbed entirely for the subject matter at hand? No one, duh! So, when I saw this article published in Women’s Health I couldn’t resist sharing their “skinny” on weight loss vocab… and let’s face it, my own 2 cents as well! Haha! Check it out!
A = Alcohol
While binge drinking is a huge (and considerably unattractive) no no, having a glass of wine a day is proven to be good for the body and the soul. Because alcohol has the potential to increase leptin – a hormone known for its power to battle the sweet tooth, a nice glass of sauvignon blanc might be just what the doctor ordered :)
B = Buddy System
“Hmmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends!” It’s like the Beatles knew… Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania have proven you’re nearly 3 times more likely to lose weight faster and keep it off longer “with a little help from (your) friends.” And if you just so happen to be friends with all skinny minis: 1) How sad! Chubby people are the best people! (High fives self) and 2) Hit up weightlossbuddy.com for a long list of fat-reforming friends!
C = Cortisol
This adrenal hormone secretes stress, and we all know what stress can do to a body. So, if wedding planning, work or personal woes have you out of whack, try spending a date night fund on a couple’s massage instead!
D = Density
Studies produced by the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition discovered women who eat water-rich foods, high in nutrients and low in calories are more likely to lose weight than women on a strictly low fat diet. So, go ahead, my dear ladies-in-waiting, grab that celery stalk and go for a walk!
E = Estimation
Next stop, Estimation Station… all aboard! Women’s Health encourages us all to commit the following estimates to memory:
- 3 ounces of meat = a standard deck of 52 cards
- ½ cup fruit, vegetables or grains = half a baseball
- 1.5 ounces of cheese = 3 dominoes
F = Fructose
Fructose isn’t free. In fact, it could cost you a waistline. So, put down those artificially sweetened beverages and pick up the peaches… or oranges or any other fruit of your choosing! Because this is where fructose is at its best!
G = Grapefruit
And speaking of fruit, why not try this ruby red delight! In a 2006 study published by the Journal of Medicinal Food discovered that people who ate half a grapefruit before each meal lost more weight than those who didn’t. (3.5 pounds, as opposed to one)
H = Hydration
The key to duration (and a slimmer, trimmer you) is hydration! Research has shown that sipping an extra 6 ounces of water a day may be just the ticket to curbing your appetite and caloric intake. So, pick up a glass near you and cheers to H2O goodness!
I = Insulin
This natural, sugar regulating hormone could be what dictates your diet. Low carb diets generally work best for people with high levels of insulin secretions. Don’t know if you’re a high insulin secretor? Well, peep yourself out in the closest mirror, if you store fat in your belly and have a more round or apple shape, you’re more than likely on the list and should focus on cutting carbs – more so than low fat.
J = Journal
That’s right. Take it back to the Junior High days; except this time around, instead of gushing over your latest crush or ranting about your hellish seventh period science teacher, write down everything you eat… yep, I said it… Chances are if you see it, you can cut it. Food journaling – according to the National Weight Control Registry – increases your chance for losing weight and keeping it off.
K = Ketosis
Ketosis is key for jump starting a diet or boosting one that’s plateau’ed, because it’s the result in which your body runs low on carbs and is forced to burn off excess fat instead. So, be sure to vary your diet and workout routines in order to keep your body guessing and your weight dropping!
L = Leptin
Let your leptin find a balance. Leptin is a hormone that tells your brain when it’s full. Often times, women will think eating less or even fasting is the way to lose weight fast; however, this can sometimes cause a decrease in your leptin levels, which may cause over-eating… a completely adverse effect of what you’re going for. Bottom line, don’t starve yourself or your body might get angry!
M = Milk
It truly does a body good :) A study done in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that drinking two cups of skim milk after a weight-lifting workout built more muscle and burned twice as much fat as its sport’s juice enthused counterparts… making cow juice aahhh-moo-zing! Haha, yes, I took it there.
And look for Part 2: Letters N – Z on Friday :)